Want 2 Be Barbie

If you are stressed out and having a hard time losing weight, try adding a bit of cheese to your diet. It’s high in b-vitamins which reduce stress. Less stress means less cortisol in your system. Cortisol makes you store fat on your belly, exactly where most of us don’t need any extra. Your mom was right after all!

Man, do I have a category for food to die for? No? Then I guess this will go under Low fat Barbie, but it is anything but that! When I saw these advertised in a magazine, I gasped. Seriously. The ad says

Chocolate
Peanut Butter
Peanuts
Pecans
Caramel
Let us know if we’ve gone too far.

Yeah, keep going, baby, I can take it! One thing gives me pause, though, I read on CandyBlog that these are made in Mexico, She suggests checking the candy you buy to make sure it’s made in America. Right now, we need to keep American’s employed. I’d go a step further and suggest that we make it a point to buy home grown goods all the time. It’s the right thing to do.

So I was reading along in a magazine the other day and I came across this:

You’ll burn approximately 300 calories (a Snickers candy bar) per hour traveling on foot.

Hello? Whose idea was that? Because if you tell me I have to walk a slap solid HOUR to burn off a candy bar?? I may just cry. Or learn to live without candy bars. I am so not happy about knowing this little bit of trivia!

Lately, I’ve been enjoying Quaker rice cakes. They are pretty cheap at $1.50 for 14, and they come in flavors like caramel corn and honey vanilla. The best part is that they only have 50 calories each, so you can add a tablespoon of peanut butter for a protein boost, and still come in at 150 calories. Two of them like that would count as breakfast, and even my Barbie brain can handle that much math.

I want an hourglass, only not the kind you tell time with. No. I want an hourglass on ME! My weight has plateau’d again, and I’m having to spend time looking up foodie options again. This greatly diminishes the time I can spend on my nails, hair, and make-up, and it’s very upsetting. I lifted the image from wikipedia with a ShareAlike license, and you can find the original here. Gotta stay legal, ya’ll.

And it was so good! I used powdered milk, even though the box said not to, and froze it in cupcakes according to the suggestion on the back of the box. This kept it low fat so it wouldn’t go straight to my swivel hips. Each Cupcake has only 165 skinny calories!

And did you know you can buy food from Amazon.com? SRSLY. Me either. But you sure can, look right here. Free super saver shipping, and a subscription option. Oreo heaven, right there.

I want a digital food scale to measure my food. I’m trying to watch my calories and saturated fats here, and it’s totally hard to do that when people list weights on the labels instead of cup measurements. I realize its probably to keep me from knowing a food has 427 calories per bite so my butt will just get wider and wider until I need to borrow Chrissy’s big ass pants. But truly, a digital scale would tell me all I need to know.

When I was a little girl, I had a butt load of Barbie dolls. I kept them and all their clothes in a five gallon pickle bucket, and I amused myself for hours, helping that little plastic doll live a perfect life. I wanted to be Barbie back then because she had that handsome husband, and those cute little itty bitty molded hair babies. Today, I still want to be Barbie, but my reasoning has changed. Today, I’m 40-something, with a handsome husband and a passel of real-haired kids, and I still want to be Barbie because that bitch has everything.